DO NOT weigh yourself after eating these. You have been warned.
Do you ever look in your cupboard and think, ‘What the fuck am I going to do with all of those pistachios?’
Eat them in their purest form? Evidently not. Toss them in a salad? What – and take up valuable cheese space? No siree. I know exactly what I’ll do – I’ll make cookies and force them down the throats of my skinnier Jaded counterparts.
300g dark chocolate
200g plain flour
175g melted butter
200g light Muscovado sugar
100g golden caster sugar
50g cocoa powder
1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
A pinch of salt
1 medium egg plus one egg yolk
Preheat your oven to 160°C/gas mark 4
You’re going to lay this mountain of ingredients out and wonder if you have the strength to follow through – PERSEVERE. These are the shit and honestly take no time at all to whip up.
First up, I broke my chocolate into chunks and chopped the pistachios. Upon reflection, I may have got a little over exhuberent with the chopping… leave those pistachios whole, girl. The cookie can take it.
Mix the butter and the sugars in a bowl. We recently coughed up £7 for an electric whisk from Tesco and have never looked back. Beat with an electric whisk (or a hand whisk, peasant) until thoroughly combined. Then beat in the egg and yolk until the mixture changes to a light and creamy colour.
Sift the flour with the bicarbonate of soda, cocoa and salt and combine with the sugar mixture. You’re basically done already! *fist bump* Fold in the chocolate and nuts until combined.
Place balls of the mixture (about half a handful) a couple of inches apart on a baking sheet. I got 12 cookies out of the mixture, but you could probably manage 20 smaller cookies (or one YAASS QUEEN cookie).
You’ll need to rinse your hands every few balls (Am I right, ladies?) to avoid the mixture sticking and just downright refusing to take shape. Do not show signs of weakness. YOU CAN DO THIS.
Bake for approximately fifteen minutes, or until the cookies are slightly darker at the edges. I like mine gooey in the middle, so prodded them at 5 minute intervals to decide when I thought they were ready. My hunger may or may not have played a huge part in the decision making process.
Leave to cool for as long as your inner fatty will allow, then tuck in!