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You know what I mean. Those niggling pains (aka full-blown meltdowns in aisle 23 of B&Q between the what-the-fuck-is-this-wrench and the who-the-fuck-cares-spanner) that inevitably hit us every month. We know they’re coming, we know we will get through them (with wine)… but shit, do they test us.
We’ve all experienced the honeymoon phase — been there, bought the package holiday to Tenerife — but what happens when the exciting part is over and you’re just two people waiting for the other to forget to buy loo roll? Here are some of the ultimate trials to challenge your relationship staying power… and how to survive them.*
The mecca of all relationship breakdowns. Those tiny pencils and paper slips they give out at the entrance might as well be a compatibility test you fill in on the way round and drop into a box on the other end where IKEA finds your new suitor — because guaranteed it’s not the person you walked in with.
STEP AWAY FROM TINDER: How relaxed would you be watching his favourite club in a championship match in the pissing the rain when a football suddenly hits you in the head and scores an own goal for the opposing team in the final minute? MEN. IN. IKEA.
You’ve moved in together and spent the past however many years agreeing on and enjoying meals. Suddenly you’re cooking the chicken for too long, he uses too much pepper, and you’d rather Insta live a bikini wax than try to cook a meal together. Takeaway it is then.
MATALAN IS BAE: Their home section is the shit right now and they have some really nice memo boards/kitchen menus that can save even the Donalds and Melanias out there. Plan your meals, take turns cooking, and banish eachother from the kitchen while you get your cous cous on.
Moving in together can be an exciting time — until two weeks later when you have to empty that vast new space of all hopeful romance, and instead fill it with overpriced furniture and hostility. No amount of hot water bottles, family pack galaxy bars or chick flicks is going to ease the pain of fighting over that horrendous rug.
VLOGGERS ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND: Either their Insta husband is giving them the run of the place or you’re watching them buy a marble topped drinks cart that’s worth more than your car. Meanwhile you’re choosing between teapots in Home Bargains. Stick to Pinterest for inspo, keep your relationship. Win win.
*I am not a relationship guru. I’m not an anything guru. I only fake tan the 3% of my body that’s on show and hide my ASOS orders from my boyfriend on a weekly basis. DO YOU, BABY GIRL.